Dear Beloved's,


It seems like the world is ending as I knew it. The world that I crafted out so perfectly, that made sense, was believable, was right. My aspirations of searching out the wisdom's of those before me, of reading, learning, questioning, loving, and lead me into this world of an unknown, a world where I have to constantly fight back and remind it I'm not right.


My heart and soul has been found in religious diversity, arguments, and beauty. Questioning God and man, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Universalism, has taken me over. I have found God in the fucked up places of man's idiocracy, in the complications of institutionalized religion, in the arguments and lies of man. While my searching has lead me to doubt, it has also thrown me oceans of wisdom and grace.


I am fighting temptations of God, his dumb-assness, pushing me towards priesthood. How can one, such as myself, find myself in the church. One who loves God as Muslims see him, as Jews see him, as Christians see him. How can one, such as myself, full of profanity, sarcasm and grudges, be pulled into the church. I don't understand why I'm being pulled here, but I am fighting against it, and will, until one of us wins, and it won't be him.