With finals week approaching and my trip overseas drawing nearer and nearer, I find myself not sleeping, for lack of serious time of day (if you are saying then get off here and do you work, I say poo this is my first breather of the week) and for lack of better words, brain farted. Its a cranium full of gas, hot hair, stinkyness and gag me. Therefore, tonight I sleep whether or not my Greek homework is done.

Have you ever found yourself frustrated with yourself, what you have accomplished or what you haven't yet accomplished but need to. I feel as if I should be further ahead, have to be doing better. Now that I feel better this semester I should be able to handle what has been placed before me.

I don't.

What has happened to me? I try, I struggle, I work, but I feel less and less successful, less and less worthy, less and less able.

My Apology...

http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1163


If you have a min, or more like 59 min, please listen to this story. If you have a soul Act 1 will move you, maybe change the way you view or nation and some American Christians.


‘Shouting Across the Divide,’ especially Act 1, really upset me. It is not that I have been ignorant to the fact that 9/11 has changed drastically some ‘white’ American’s attitudes towards Muslims, and that many Xians spend a lot of energy trying to make Muslims into these horrid terrorists, their story brought me to tears though. Although I think it is wrong too, but it is one thing to look at Middle East Muslims and blame them from 9/11 but too look at those within your own community, who you have lived with and formed some sort of relationship with, suddenly with the same hatred really makes me wonder what our American idea of freedom is, is this really a free country. Maybe I don’t know what it is like to be the teacher of a Muslim child, or live on the same block as a Muslim family but I do know very well a Muslim and I ache for the thought of prejudices that have been placed on her because of 9/11 when she had nothing to do with the hate crimes. I hear the voice of the girl in the radio and I think of what her teacher did and how as a vulnerable child that shit would have affected me and I ache for her. Her dad, what he experienced in West Bank and then seeing what was happening to his daughter, I ache for him too. At the heart of the Christian and Muslim faith is a vast amount of persons, individuals and when showing anger toward a group your aren’t just targeting the mass but singling out souls. Teachers have a powerful impact in the molding of young minds, in their attitudes toward those they teach, in learning who and what is right, they help create prejudices and that’s what the girls teacher did. Maybe it is impossible to love a single person without loving the whole. Maybe America is sole a free Xian country and the only free people here should be Xians because their faith is truth and the only truth and if we are going to hate on Muslims why don’t we widen the picture and continue hating on the Native Americas and Buddhist, Hindus and Atheists too. Why don’t we go even further and figure out which group of Xians are the right one and hate the others too. I mean isn’t that what America is about religious freedom.


I am not always proud to be an American and I am sorry for the hearts of some.

im not sure really what to say. im being challenged and streached this year beyond belief. somedays im good, able to push though, but others i feel as if im aching, unsure, miserable.

no god but God cont...

Sometimes I think we put too much importance in Christianizing the nations that we forget what it is that God called us to do. I say that because I look at the Crusades, or even now, and we desire to bring Christianity to nations that perhaps thank that they don’t need it because what they have ‘true’ and the amount of pressure we put on converting makes people more mad than accepting. When looking at Medieval Europe during the time on Constantine and his ‘massive-forced-conversion’ I wonder how many people cared about becoming Christian or if it was a way to unite his world. I do acknowledge that he cared to save souls but his conversion is troubling. Many town conversions because people do not know what they are getting into or don’t really understand what exactly they are trying to believe, therefore resulting in a European Christendom’s filled with many micro-Christendom’s. Christians went into war with Muslims to conquer them, save the Holy Land from the ‘enemies’ and perhaps turn what areas they conquer into Christian territories.
From my little historical brief I then find myself drawn into Aslan’s discussion of the creation of a democratic Islamic society and if it is really possible. “Islam has been invoked to legitimize and overturn governments, to promote republicanism and defend authoritarianism, to justify monarchies, autocracies, oligarchies, and theocracies, and to promote terrorism, factionalism and hostility. Can Islam now be used to establish a generally liberal democracy in the Middle East? Can a modern Islamic state reconcile reason and Revelation to create a democratic society based on the ethical ideals established by the Prophet Muhammad in Medina nearly fifteen centuries ago?”[1] What I think we forget though, especially now as our frustration with the U.S. government increases, that as Aslan suggests, this is something that must be done. However, to change a very historically bounding and controlling government that has in place for centuries will take more than some 7 or so years. In order for them to change, they have to find ways around leaders who don’t want this change, find stable ground, stable leaders, in a way a common and united ground. It “cannot be imported, it must be nurtured.”[2] Sometimes I get discouraged with the fact that people discourage the work that we are doing overseas. Yes, I agree that there is a lot being done that isn’t helping, perhaps making things worse, our economy’s having problems, but nurturing them and helping them become successful is why we went over, and by leaving them now, we won’t do anything other than hurt them more. I think that it if we continue helping them, it will be rewarding to be a part of and see the product of their national identity.

*Sorry for the brief history section in the first part. I heart history…and we are getting ready to talk about the Crusades and I am really stoked about that, cause it’s sooooo good, or perhaps interesting to me. Nonetheless, I like history as much as you like puns. History + philosophical history=Hannah’s happiness.



[1] Aslan. No god but God. Pg 253
[2] Ibid. Pg 254.

no god but God cont...

I found ‘In the Footsteps of Martyrs’ as a very interesting chapter, mainly because it pokes at something that I am extremely interested in and the reason why I am a history major. Throughout the last long time, I have been drawn to the question of morality, and why we do what we do; I strongly believe that our actions are a result of what we have been taught, and are done for a reason, purpose, and I think for most (unconsciously or consciously) for a higher power or being, in our case God or Allah. I find the Karbala very interesting because Azlan says that it “became Shi’ism’s Garden of Eden, with humanity’s original sin being not disobedience to God, but unfaithfulness to God’s moral principles.”[1] What I like about this besides the words ‘moral principles’ is that when I read the creation story and the ‘first sin’ I am drawn to the idea that perhaps when we look at what we call sin, it is to us unfaithfulness to moral principles, which we learn what morality is through the teachings of man but also through the stories of the Old and New Testaments. I guess it just plays with my thoughts on if man can be moral without a ‘god’ figure to provide reason or rewards.

This book is really hard to me to read. I hate and love it. I’m not sure why exactly it bother me, but at times I get really frustrated with theology, for the fact that we need it to interpret the Bible, parables, Jesus, God. I often wonder how Christianity would be different or if it could exist without the Bible. How would we know what is good, wrong, how do we know who God is without it translated for us, is it possible to know him on our own. I just find it hard to phantom that man needs others to translate for them their faith. Maybe it’s good, but I don’t know. The thought that the Karan cannot in its original form be read by man does bother me some.

I think that the Sufi’s idea of the annihilation of the ego, and pushing away from “worldly trappings”[2] is something that we all strive for. The way that they approach this by being concerned with the outer and with society is something I think that Christians miss or forget. I think that we become some focused on with fixing our inner self that we forget about the world around us and I am not sure why, but I do like the idea of a communal religion, I know we try to get this from the church, but it needs to reach father than the church.

This week, I am stoked, full heartedly for Oman. Oh, yes, lets go…
[1] Pg. 179.
[2] Pg 200.

no god but God cont...

What struck me first of all in the reading was the discussion the image that we give Muslims: “Islamic terrorist, strapped with explosives, ready to be martyred for Allah, eager to take as many innocent people with him as possible. […] What has not changed, however, is the notion that Islam is a religion whose adherents have been embroiled in a perpetual state of holy war, or jihad, from the time of Muhammad to this very day.”[1] I am not sure where I want to go with this thought, but I guess something that bothers me is that human nature tends to place blame on the whole rather than the single. What I mean by that is that since Muslim’s are to blame for 9/11 all of them, in the whole world are bad. Since a few Catholic priests raped some children there is something wrong with all Catholics. One of the things I feel most uncomfortable, or perhaps do not understand, is what is exactly meant by a holy war. Perhaps our misconception is that the Jihad is not an act against a non-Muslim but one that is launched against acts of villainy in order to preserve “moral order”. When I look at Islam as a whole, I have seen it as a religion and state are unified or work as one. Then as Aslan went on to discuss how Buddhism and once Xianity in the Holy Roman Empire, were “enforcers” I felt dumb. A few weeks ago in the catholic group some were discussing how we should vote in the election-if it was morally right for us vote democratic since Obama is not 100% against abortion. I find myself now wondering if for Xian’s especially, do we really have a separation of Church and state here when we are looking back on our Christian morals to figure out how to vote. While I don’t find this completely wrong, I am not sure if it is completely right.

One thing I find really beautiful about Islam are the 5 Pillars. I am not sure why, but meaning and tradition behind it, and the emphasis put on Allah through it makes me wish we had something this sweet. I think it would be totally tight to have a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, like seriously totally wicked cool. I once tried to fast during Ramadan and got really hungry, so it failed. What if Christianity was less about objects, and more about experiences-in prayer, fasting, tithing? Sometimes I think we lost these, or lost the meanings behind them. And then I wonder too if some Muslims do this only out obligation of how serious most of them are about it. Xians are serious about things they want to be, sometimes extremely serious about them, and then lax or don’t give a turd about others. How would Xianity change if we were obligated to tithe, put as much emphasis on prayer and fasting, or had a Jesus walk.
[1] Reza Aslan. No god but God. Pg 79.

no god but God-Aslan

for my Oman (preperation for xmas trip) we are reading Aslan's No god but God...here were my weeks thought on it...

I really enjoy this book. No god but God really helped “point out” some of the “historical” aspects of Islam, which I find completely fascinating, and it reminds me over and over how religions have developed and that historically the evolution of Xianity is no different or better than Islam. What I find really difficult about this though is that I begin rattling with the notion of what truth really is, and why, and how “truth” can be so vastly different to people. In this though the challenge of truth tares so many people and groups apart that it seems to me to be more of a hindrance than importance. After reading this book I find myself becoming more angry with “Xians” than I worry about what is wrong with Islams. I don’t understand how we can call ourselves “followers of Christ” when we argue with each other’s theology more than care to live in peace then we throw stones at those who are struggling with the same problems, perhaps in different ways, but in the end in the same way we are. I am not saying that there should be one complete Xian or Islamic theology, but I wish that although we might not agree and although we might fight, we could realize and be more understanding in what Muslims are facing and why there is conflict, or perhaps just admit to ourselves that we are in conflict too. Christians persecuted Muslims more than they did us. It seems to me, that throughout history we were the first to dismiss them, while they tried to live in peace among us.
More than anyone will ever know, I am excited for this trip. At the same time I am scared shitless. I am scared of what I will learn, I am scared of how much more my faith can be challenged before it becomes torn to screeds. I feel like a sheet of paper that has many tares but I am not completely ripped yet. I thrive on being challenged and seeing and learning about people, their stories, walks of life, but I wonder how far and how much I can learn before I completely lose what all I have left.